Dec 24, 2010

sad sad sappy chap

I went out celebrate my friend's birthday today, Christmas day. I arrived at the restaurant on time, 6:30 pm sharp. My friends did not, they needed an extra 30 minutes because their car broke down with an oil leak. So I had 30 minutes to burn with nothing to do. Nothing is not exactly right because I was busy checking out this waitress busy buzzing around taking orders and carry food to guests. She had a nice rack, cute face and slim legs; overall I'd rate her a 7/10.

After 30 minutes spent blatantly ogling at her, my friends arrived and we had dinner together. During the meal, my friends also took note of the same waitress and one guy even teased her in our mother tongue to see if she understands. She either either did not or feigned it. When all was over we split up, I took the train back home and the rest drove home.

The station greeted me with the usual sign indicates that my train will arrive in another 29 minutes. I sat my ass down and waited. 5 minutes crawled by in an eternity. Then she came and sat in the bench next to mine. So I resumed my ogling. She checked her phone and of a sudden began crying. Wept was more like it. I froze. I instinctively wanted to get up and sit next to her and ask "Are you alright?". She checked her phone some more and wiped the tears away keeping them from free falling.

Thoughts were running through my head, messy, unorganized, provoking, suggesting, asking, waiting... A hundreds scenarios took place all at once in my head. I kept looking at her then looking away. I wanted to console her. I wanted to know what's going on. Another girl sat next to her also wanted to do the same as me but also did the same thing as me which was not doing anything. My time was running out. Never had I felt time spent waiting can go this fast.

My train came. Her train also came. We got on the same train. I told myself that this is my cue to act that I must speak now or keep it inside forever. So I sat opposite her. On closer look, she isn't as cute as I thought. Probably because she was smiling all the time when I was in the restaurant. One station came and go. Two station came and go. I looked more and more like a creep by the minutes. And three station came and go. I opened my mouth and one guy came and patted her on the shoulder and touched her hair and called out to her.

I shut up. She burst out to him. She left her seat and sat next to him. I eavesdropped on them. Turns out they work at the same place. I overheard "boss", "dishes", "rude", "bastard" and some other terms. This irritates me so I whipped out my ipod and drown myself in the sounds of Guns n Roses orchestrating "Estranged". I nearly doubled the volume but her voice still pierced through the veil at times.

My station came. Also her station came and his station came. We all got off. I hustled through the crowd, hurrying home trying to lose my guilt behind. I don't know why I wanted to talk to her so badly. I don't know why I don't have the courage to do so. I don't know. I don't know. I let myself down, I disappointed myself. I thought that I'm stronger than this but apparently I'm not. Maybe I'm making mountain out of molehills. However, what I know is:


  1. The same thing happened to me.
    There was this girl that I somethimes see in the bus. Then one night I saw her again with an empty sit next to her. The bus had only 1 free sit and that was it, next to her. I though what should I do what should I say if I go.
    Her station came.

  2. Everybody gets in situations where they freak out and don't know what to do or say and just blank; I've certainly been there. I wouldn't worry about it too much. Next time just be nice to the person! Worst thing that can happen is they scream and swing at you or something hahah

  3. You got to take chances because the feeling of regret is worst than rejection in the long run!

  4. It's a touchy awkward area... I wouldn't beat up yourself over this, as talking could have made things worse for her too. She might have been embarrassed that a stranger took notice and had to talk to her about it (it's silly too, but when upset, the mind thinks irrationally).

    The other guy worked with her so it is sort of different, so she would feel more open to her probably.

    If you find yourself in a similar situation again, take the chance if you feel so empowered to. If the person talks to you, great! If they say thanks I'm fine, well you tried at least.

  5. Not exactly the happiest xmas tale, but that's life.

  6. yeah too bad so sad, now yo know for next time

  7. Ahh, don't feel like a chicken. It can be awkward to strike up a conversation with a stranger, especially when they are crying and/or upset. If it is meant to be, the opportunity to meet her will present itself again...

  8. ain't nothing to it but to do it.

  9. tl;dr somebody ? I feel lazy today :D

  10. you lazy :P read it some other times!
    anyways, thanks for the tips guys!

  11. lol.. you shold read my blog more :P